Saying Sorry as a Hockey Coach: Why It Matters and How to Do It Right
As a hockey coach, it is important to recognize that you are human and capable of making mistakes. Inevitably, some of these mistakes may require an apology and a request for forgiveness. We have all experienced situations where we haveve received tough feedback that required us to apologize, or where we have sent a message hinting at or requesting an apology from someone else. Saying "sorry" can be difficult, and our ego or hidden insecurities can make it challenging to admit our wrong-doings. However, avoiding this important word can damage relationships and hinder personal growth. By being willing to say "sorry," we show humility and build trust with others, creating a positive and supportive environment for ourselves and our team.
It is often said that the most difficult tasks, habits, and behaviors in life are also the most rewarding. Saying "sorry" can certainly fall into this category, as it can be challenging on an emotional level. However, there are compelling reasons why it's important to apologize, even when it presents difficulties. Here are three key reasons why saying "sorry" is crucial for building healthy relationships and fostering personal growth with your team.
1. Saying "Sorry" Creates Forgiveness
For over a decade, my wife Brittney has been working as a physician assistant in the emergency room, including throughout the pandemic, where she has helped countless patients during medical emergencies. In this fast-paced environment, quick decisions are necessary, but they can also lead to mistakes or misunderstandings. Brittney approaches each patient with the understanding that if they are in the emergency department, it is likely not their best day. When mistakes, delays in care, or unmet expectations occur in the midst of physical or emotional stress, patients and their families may understandably become upset. While medical professionals want to apologize and avoid causing harm, there is often a fear that apologizing may increase vulnerability to litigation. Nevertheless, studies have shown that sincere apologies can actually decrease the risk of litigation and strengthen the patient-provider relationship. Brittney and many other healthcare professionals are committed to providing the best care possible, and recognizing the importance of apologies in this field is an essential step towards building trust and maintaining positive relationships with patients and their families..
2. Saying "Sorry" Builds Trust
Dealing with dirty bathroom floors, kids' handprints on windows, and dusty furniture are all first world problems that many of us face. To alleviate this burden, my family and I made the decision to hire a housecleaning service several years ago. We found a local company and had the chance to meet the owner personally, who even cleaned our house on the first day to understand our expectations and the layout of our home. However, a few months later, one of the cleaners did a sub-par job and provided excuses and inappropriate responses. The employee failed to take ownership of the situation, and our dissatisfaction eventually reached the owner. The owner's response was vastly different. She immediately called to apologize, recommended a solution, and worked to repair the relationship. In that moment, she transformed what could have been a disastrous situation into an opportunity to build trust with us as clients. Her swift action demonstrated the importance of taking responsibility for mistakes and showing a commitment to excellent customer service.
3. Saying "Sorry" Creates Ownership
Out of all the items listed, the final one is perhaps the most impactful. As humans, we all make mistakes, big or small, on a daily basis. Personally, I am not afraid to admit when I am in the wrong or have made an error. Acknowledging the mistake, apologizing if necessary, and asking for forgiveness is crucial. It can be frustrating when others cannot do the same and instead choose to blame others or deflect responsibility. This lack of ownership is detrimental, as it portrays an individual as petty, weak, and insecure, the exact opposite of how they intend to appear. Inability to apologize often reveals one's selfishness, which is a trait commonly seen in children. To be emotionally strong and earn respect as an adult, it is important to practice humility, admit mistakes, and take ownership of one's actions.
Final Thoughts
As a hockey coach, apologizing and saying "I'm sorry" can be challenging, as it often requires us to set aside our ego and confront our insecurities. However, if we make it a habit to take responsibility for our mistakes, we can experience a sense of peace and empowerment. By owning up to our wrong-doings, we demonstrate integrity and build trust in our relationships. Remember, saying "I'm sorry" is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous act of accountability and a step towards personal and professional growth.
