Creating a Winning Environment: Four Important Components of Positive Parenting in Hockey
I recently had the opportunity to go through the Positive Parenting Within School Programs course offered by The National Federation of State High School Associations (NFHS). It served as a great reminder for how positive parenting within school programs is such a critical component of creating a supportive and nurturing environment for children to thrive academically, emotionally, and socially.
Now that I have completed the course, there are four specific areas which resonated with me on multiple fronts as a hockey parent and a youth hockey coach.
1. Advocacy for Fun
One of the key central themes I took from the course is the promotion of fun. It was a key message in the questionnaire they provided and it was repeated throughout the remaning parts of the session. It is also a centerpiece of the training I went through recently with USA Hockey where I am working on my certifications.
I see the importance of this component every week when coaching young athletes. The kids who are genuinely enjoying themselves come back the following week. Even if a child can not skate but had fun doing "supermans" or kicking a cherry ball in hockey skates, he or she comes back again and again. It is not about playing positions. It is not about keeping score. It is not about wins. It is about having fun. I am seeing the fun theme work in real time and appreciate and respect this message.
2. Advocacy for Support and Encouragement
My pastor has mentioned on more than one occasion the following:
Boys need to know "I am enough."
Girls need to know "I am beautiful."
I believe this sentiment comes from John Eldredge in his book, Wild at Heart.
In relation to sports, parents need to be the silent encourager of these key themes. When parents engage in open and supportive interactions, their children will feel valued, heard, and understood and their child's self-image will grow and prosper as a result. I observe this not only with how I raise my own kids but I see it out on the ice with other parents and their kids. The children who have parents who are consistent with their support and encouragement, serve as role models, and showcase emotional control with coaches and referees have kids who are happier and more confident.
3. Advocacy for Pursuing Excellence
When I was in graduate school several years ago finishing up my M.B.A., I was exposed to the work of Tom Peters and his excellence theory or what is formally now called the "Peters and Waterman Model." It was first introduced in their book, The Search of Excellence, and it focused on the key elements of specialization, valuing ideas, learning from failures, setting high standards, and leading by example. Although this work was published for business professionals it still holds true in the parent-child relationship.
Parents play a vital role in fostering both athletic and academic success in their children. When they can set the standard, lead with grace, and engage in meaningful ways (i.e. attending important events, assisting with homework, and having important conversations), they can create and foster a culture of excellence in and outside of the home.
4. Advocacy for Mental Fitness
I love the work of Simon Sinek, a British-American author and speaker. Sinek is known for his work on leadership and motivation, has recently been advocating for a shift from "mental health" to "mental fitness." Mental health is about one's overall state of well-being where mental fitness focuses more on proactive steps and strategies to strenthen one's mental state. It is this proactive nature which is alluring in the parent-child dynamic.
Parents needs to be in a constant proactive state in helping their child navigate the challenges of sport and life. When parents are equipped with mental fitness strategies, they can teach their children how to identify and manage their emotions, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and build positive relationships with peers.
Final Thoughts
As a father of three I have a concrete understanding of the challenges all parents face. Parenting is a demanding role, devoid of a definitive guidebook, and it becomes even more challenging when sports are involved. However, by keeping in mind the the principles mentioned above - fun encouragement, pursuing excellence, and striving for mental fitness - parents can establish a solid foundation for their children's happiness and overall well-being, both in life and in sports.
