Building Trust: Tips for Having Courageous Conversations with Your Hockey Players

Hockey coaching is difficult. Not only do you need to know how to instruct players on drills and best processes, you also need to know how to manage complex emotional issues. These topics can include conversations around motivation, anger management, and in today's modern world - navigating around issues of inclusion and belonging.

These types of couragous conversations are challenging. Once you dive into the sensitivities and complexities of race, privilege, and disparities - any person can quickly be thrown off guard where they are forced to take an offensive and defensive stance. It is human nature.

However, these types of discussions need to happen because courageous conversations lead to better understanding and they foster a learning culture which is the heart of inclusive leadership, and inclusive leaders make for great hockey coaches.

If you are curious about how to lead courageous conversations on and off the ice, I am offering a few suggestions to help you get started. It should follow this simple format:

Step 1: Be intentional about setting up the conversation

Step 2: Cap the meeting at 60 or 90 minutes; a time limit will help with keep staying on topic

Step 3: Prepare for speakers and group leaders

Step 4: Have the discussion

Step 5: Follow-up and provide continued support

As you move forward with these steps, your approach should embrace the following:

1. Aim for Absolute Clarity

The 2016 Republican nominees...do you remember them? If you are like a few, you many remember a name or two. During this time period in American history, a lot of people may not know who the most funded candidate was at that time. It was Jeb Bush. Now, if Jeb Bush became president of the United States, what was he going to do for America? No one knows. I do not recall, you probably can not as well. It is the very reason he never became President of the United States. No matter where you land politically, you at least knew Obama stood for change or Trump was going to make America great again. Their messages were absolutely clear and the same must hold true for any courageous conversation. Clarity must exist so it is vital to set your intentions, objectives, and outcomes clearly from the beginning and be intentional about wrapping up with takeaways at the end.

2. Choose Vulnerability Over Transparency

Vulnerability always is a better option than transparency. When a leader takes a transparency approach, they are only sharing the facts but when you take a position of vulnerability you are also being transparent coupled with the openness for change. There is a extra level of humbleness which emerges when someone is vulnerable. This should be the goal of your courageous conversational style, and that leads me to my next point.

3. Embrace a Humble Spirit

Inclusive leaders and coaches who drive and lead these courageous conversations are humble. They know there are gaps in their knowledge and experiences and welcome the feedback of others. They are open-minded, eager to learn, and are willing to serve within their strengths and even their weaknesses. Simply, they go first. They take the first step. They ask the hard questions. They stay curious.

4. Make Others Feel Safe

There is a lot of dicussion across the web about the three drivers of engagement. One of them is pscyhological safety. This should be another objective of any courageous conversation. Participants need to feel safe. Next, they need to feel heard. Think about your answers to these questions:

• Can a teammate share an idea or thought without negative judgment?

• Can each player bring their full self into the locker room?

• Can leadership and the coaching staff be trusted?

Bottom line, every player needs to feel safe and as if they are in a judge-free zone during the conversation and even outside of it.

Final Thought

Courageous conversations are difficult. They are called courageous conversations for a reason because they take guts and bravey. However, the valuable outcomes far outweigh the negatives. It puts topics on the table, it creates cultures which foster learning, and it brings teams together. And when teams work better together, an increase in productivity and performance always follows and that is great for any hockey club.